the $ side of chemo

so if it follows recent pattern, my insurance company will be billed $11,230.50 for this morning's drug infusion... it went well, by the way... glad to have it out of the way and checked off the list!  2/3 done with this series!

and today will be a cheap day relatively-speaking, since the bone meds add several thousand dollars (the expensive drugs are itemized by the MG needed).   one particular drug seems really volatile in pricing, so possible it will vary by as much as a thousand dollars either way. 

but the aggregate number still astonishes me.   over 11grand!  there's social and ethical weight attached to how much this costs.  and i'm sure the drug companies are trying to recoup their marketing and research/patent costs as they set a price point for the drugs as well.  big business through and through, and astonishing scale of costs and profits to be made in the situation.

my insurance company will mostly pay for these drugs, and my prescriptions to counteract the side effects of these drugs. and if they increase my quality/length of life in a profound way, i'm going to believe the $ is well spent!  but wow does it add up fast when in those ranges!!!

all the $ i spend for alternative care, food, learning...  that's NOT reimbursable, and likely to increase my quality/length of life in a profound way also...  some of the alternative medicine sites are pretty bitter that their treatments are not mainstream enough and are quite expensive and out-of-pocket.... so they feel discriminated against by insurers because the health care system doesn't want them to be competing with the drug machine.  they also don't have the kind of scientific rigor behind them that is appropriate (altho there are more integrative medicine efforts happening, it's pretty slow to become a serious field of study -- sometimes the things that work for some are not "tidy" or well-understood... but when i listen to drs talk about medicines and side effects and unique variations in how something is tolerated, i tend to believe that even the drug side is not as tidy and well-understood as some would like for it to be!)

this storm crosses all dimensions of living -- so far the financial realm has been one of the more disturbing aspects of the saga.  i am quite pleased that i have insurance, that it covers what it has, that i have funds to pick up the balance (so far hasn't made me destitute!!!)  but it makes me worry -- that there will come a day when i have to consider "can i afford this?" as part of the decision-making process.  i guess i am going to stay in the moment and realize that i can just enjoy this beautiful spring day and be in denial for the moment... or at least believing "yes, for today, i can afford this. and so it is"