metaphors

many years ago, while i was going through the ugly end of my marriage. my then-neighbor asked me "what do you want in life?" -- i answered "peace"

not the passive/stuck/depressed/do-nothing peace... but an active/engaged/gracious/accepting/curious peace -- realistically aware of the life i face, and able to see it all and embrace it all with wonder and positive abundant joy.  and just not waste my time/energy on conflict/anger/resentment

having embraced this peace-loving approach for so many years, the common metaphors that are often used in cancer just don't resonate with me:

• battle
• fight
• warrior
• war

if i am committed to being kind to myself, how can i be angry at the confused parts of me? cancer is an illness but not the enemy.  i don't see it as a profound positive gift either, even though the "be-happy-or-you're-wrong" subset of experts are sure to tell me cancer blesses me and those i love... i just don't see that!!!  it is a cruel illness, although i think there can be blessings in spite of it... but i don't lay those blessings at cancer's feet with adoration.

my friend Pam asked me -- so what metaphor works?  it made me think again about how i frame this experience and talk about it to myself and think about it.

i guess the most accurate metaphor for my life is a journey, a walk, a path...  i see cancer as a powerful unexpected storm on my walk.  my walk continues, the storm rages. and i get to wake up each day and face whatever is in front of me, today... and as i walk, there will be forks/choices-to-make and puddles and sometimes rocks in the road that i have to address/navigate/sit-on-for-a-while!  sometimes there will be a calm break and sometimes i'm going to get absolutely drenched by the storm surge i encounter.

most of the time it seems like a happy thing to me, because it continues that commitment i made to myself years ago to approach my life with ease.  sometimes it feels like a slog and i worry that i am not as peaceful as i could be...

but then, a new day dawns.  and my commitment is renewed, and i face today's path and i look for something to smile about!