Anni died last night from cancer. It puts my current walk into perspective, yet again! That season is coming for me, but not anytime soon... I send blessings and peace and tears and comfort to her loved ones as they sort out the work of grieving while keeping all the delicious memories of a life well-lived.
Thursday, I saw my oncologist for the last time (he's retiring -- happy for him although i remain quite profoundly sad for myself -- couldn't have asked for a nicer or more competent fellow-traveler on the path i've walked this last 15 months...) As a part of that visit, i made it clear i was done with the pain doctor... without trying to be TOO judgmental about where he was coming from, i was just willing to say the relationship doesn't work for me! I am now scheduled to see another person at a different clinic -- the drive will be worth it i'm sure! Pain management is such a crucial part of this experience -- i'm not one to expect NO pain, but i do want to keep trying to get a reasonable mix of treatment without unacceptable side effects... and i want no doubt that i am a human being in the doctor's eyes...
Time is dripping a little slowly onto the page -- sometimes that makes me anxious, other times i laugh about it. Thankfully my computer reminds me which day of the week it is, and i tend to say "Yes" to whatever social invitations i get, as long as i don't have something else already booked...
Still unclear where i will live, but trying not to make my blood pressure rise too much about that... keep remembering that feeling i had when i first walked into the apartment in Pacific Grove (it was such a deep intuitive "yes" that i had -- no question in my mind that i wanted to live there!!!) even with that experience, i sometimes am tempted to settle because i don't like the process of searching...
Reading and working on a butterfly-laden quilt, slowly (maybe this one will be done by year end!)
excited to have graduation season upon us, and to see my friends making that journey towards the next new thing. I was particularly touched that Hali wants me THERE to watch her get her doctorate -- and so i'll happily say "Yes!"
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