Transition time

What a road i've walked these last few months!  At one moment (for a week or two at least) i had three addresses!  and so much unpleasant news...  still remembering the shock of being told i could die within 6 months if i left the situation untreated... have been trying to forget those mornings when it took more than i could bear without tears to get out of bed... and a sudden "go admit yourself to the neurology ward"... WOW.  on top of adjusting to the cancer diagnosis and chemo and and and...

It's nice to have different things in my present.

I am in the throes of the aftereffects of the last "big batch" chemo of the first series... less bleeding today (and it wasn't hideous yesterday, in case your imagination went to total gore -- just seepage out nose and behind... not Ebola proportions by any means, just annoying!)   i'm telling my body i will be kinder to it in the weeks ahead, i promise!!!  but all in all, my body has been a trouper through this, taking more abuse than i expected it to handle, with mostly reasonable responses given what i was experiencing -- thank you, miracle body of mine, for all that you have endured...

Tomorrow i get another Pet/CT scan, will be given results next week when i go in for the "singleton" chemo that is now in my schedule approx every 4 weeks...  i keep reminding myself it is better than what i've been doing, but that time-boxed "DONE" on my calendar May 24th kept me going through it all -- to have indefinite poison in my future still doesn't make me happy... 

but i promised myself that i would be gracious in the face of the storm as it unfolded, so i keep looking for the bright spots in my new normal... like it should allow my hair to regrow (at least somewhat) and it doesn't come with pre-meds like the big dose did, and it's only two hours of infusion and in theory it could eventually go away if a subsequent Pet/CT showed my bones clear... i do remember the oncologist telling me bones are the slowest body parts to recover.

my job for the last few months has been to cope.  and so as the landscape changes, the coping changes too.  i am going to relish this "quiet spot" in the path before the next cloudburst comes my direction!! i keep reminding myself i can live big, continue to thrive, get a bit of energy back, make some plans, think of a schedule more than 2-3 days in the future.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!