Crystal stopped by yesterday -- it was a great distraction from the sensations of discomfort... and always nice to see a friend! it was particularly striking to have her sharing some stories about refugees -- how challenging adapting to a different environment and expectations can be... how hard it is to live within a budget, to cook meals, to clean a home, to deal with the mundane slog of work (especially the kinds of jobs that are often available to that population). For some, there is no reference community/culture that they come from -- their entire life has been camp-driven and handout-driven -- they don't know anything else. Their survival mechanism is bound to "how do i get the next thing that can be given to me?"
we've also done that to some second- and third-generation Welfare recipients. i think the system started with good intentions... and some have an awareness that a dump-and-run approach is far easier than a walk beside them as they stumble into self-sufficiency... self-sufficiency is a lot harder and more complex and more personal than a worksheet that gives a $ amount and that's that... and self-sufficiency is also a lot less fun in the short-term and a lot more rewarding in the long-term. so how do you instill the fire to go it alone? along with the sense of community that makes people feel safe and supported when they can't handle a specific event in their way (like a fire or an accident)?
sometimes i behave like a medical welfare patient -- waiting for the next answer, the next pill, the next solution to the real problems i face... not realizing that i have so much power and autonomy in the story that is unfolding for me.
On the basic living side of things, i still hear my momma's mantra in the back of my head: "anything you CAN do for yourself, you SHOULD do for yourself" I grew up with the most resourceful people i've ever met -- working poor with dreams that they made happen with sheer will and discipline. there were a few times we were genuinely hungry, but most of the time it was more that the food we had was boring and repetitive... i only remember having food stamps one summer, and my mom restocked our pantry and was embarrassed/stung by the insults that can come to those that use them (i think it is better now that they don't issue monopoly-money... a little more discrete to use a card) we also watched fellow food-stamp recipients buy tuna & steaks to feed their pets (because dog food wasn't covered)
so in our judgmental way of looking at things, had a realization that the system was broken somehow, but no clue how to fix it... how to get compassionate aid to the people that need it without it becoming the habitual solution to their problems...
it is a global problem (how do we support without becoming a crutch?) and a very personal problem (how do i accept the right assistance from people that love me without becoming lazy/dependent?)
I don't have the answers... i just keep telling people NO/not-now (hopefully kindly) as long as i believe that i am able. it will be interesting when it is time for me to ask for help and say YES/thank-you on a whole bunch of levels... hopefully i haven't offended those willing to serve me, hopefully i will have enough graciousness to recognize their love and generosity is not a crutch and merely intended to support me through the waning days of my walk.
stubbornly independent human that i am, i am deeply grateful for how capable i am today... in spite of the pain and limitations that i have, life is good. so i will keep taking it a day at a time, with a smile... and go work on getting more medically empowered!
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