Glorious time of year... and more graciousness practice for me

So my dear friend and heart-sister Fiona/Fred's garden is producing a bountiful harvest, and she is kind enough to share with me... been loving it!!  Ate so many tomatoes that my tongue protested, now recovering... and squash! and beets! and cucumbers! and peppers! and fresh herbs!!! (i am so very fortunate!!!)

Lovely flowers too!

Acupuncture seems to moderate my hot flashes -- at least reduce the number of totally drippy ones i am having!  i can be immensely thankful for that :)  for those of you who have often seen me order "water, no ice" you will giggle at the amount of ice i now use -- a cool glass of water is a frequent treat!

there is a repetitiveness and a sense of slogging to this walk -- the days and weeks run together and i try not to worry or overthink the details, but face the day at hand and honor whatever experience i'm having.  Infusion day comes along and i ache, and then i feel better and then i do too much and then i ache, usually laughing/smiling at myself because i know exactly why those sore muscles or bruises are there... and through it all i realize how fortunate i am to be as mobile and pain free as i am now -- so much nicer than how i felt in the spring! WOOT

On the "where to live" subject, I am struggling with the fine line between surrendering and giving up. i had been walking toward my dream of a home/garden of my own for the last decade or so, with many setbacks, detours and potholes in that path... not sure whether i should struggle for alternate financing now that my bank says no, or let go of that dream -- both options seem to contain a fair bit of angst and pain.  on a global scale and at the end of the day, i absolutely need shelter, but cannot convince myself that i MUST own a home.  perhaps that ambiguity is part of the problem to choosing what steps to try next.

i totally get that i am a higher-maintenance human, and i am allowing myself to consciously bless the people who drift out of my life while they focus on the current experience they're having in their own lives... there is a tendency in me to cling as people need more space... or even worse, get like the barking dog or whining cat that says "Notice me, NOTICE ME!!!!  HEY< YOU>>>> N.O.T.I.C.E. MMMMEEEE!!!!!" Letting go is hard for me, but fundamentally appropriate!  Realizing part of my reaction is my ongoing "don't be a nuisance" phobia and part of it is most everybody i know is on this hyper-busy treadmill that schedules them for more than they can accomplish without being exhausted and overwhelmed... so for some, this lack of interaction will be temporary...  and i often remind myself if i don't get UPSET about it, i will be able to welcome them back into my experience when it works well for both of us! :)

Having said this, it makes me even more deeply grateful for the people who continue to pay attention, who send me emails and texts and stop by and invite me to their home or out for breakfast or plan a park day with me... i think they are just the tip of the iceburg of those who love me and are delighted that i am doing well... but what an amazing gift to have the precious time and experiences w/ people!!!