wobble

yes, for the most part, i have a sense of humor about this. i am mortal, i've always known that... just finding myself more face-to-face with my frailties than ever before.  and i suspect i will be learning more about myself in the upcoming days.

i opened the blog with the awareness that i am still very much myself. 

some of my strengths/talents/approaches-to-life will be awesome assets to the experience.  i am easily amused.  i am positive, grateful, curious. i don't assume that i am immune to the random pains of life. i would be more inclined to say "why not me?" than wallow extensively in a drama-filled "why me?"  i suspect this to keep me reasonably even-keeled in this storm, even knowing that i can't expect to ALWAYS be in profound peace...  just happy that i can OFTEN inhabit that realm.

some of my traits (perhaps in this context, flaws) will be huge hurdles and opportunities for growth. i am fiercely independent, certain that i can/should be self-sufficient in any way possible.  i've never wanted to be a burden for anyone.  in fact, the more i care about people the less i want to intrude on their busy lives or be a nuisance to them...

some days i feel like a grumpy two-year-old proclaiming "i can do it myself!" and other days i am astonished at what i cannot accomplish, face-to-face with the magnitude of my neediness and grateful when someone steps up and assists... even when it was something i could do yesterday and might once again do tomorrow...

my health and vitality depends in part on my remaining active and in preserving my range of motion.  hence i need to break a sweat -- and push sometimes, even when it is uncomfortable. and i can walk up the stairs. and i am delighted to do whatever i am able to, whenever i can.  and it's brilliant for me to be pleasantly physically tired at the end of a day...

my health and vitality also depends on me honoring my energy levels and not getting too exhausted.  hence i should rest & take it easy when i'm fatigued. and so i may need to sit and let people do what i am currently unable to. and i give myself permission to take the elevator when i have that option.  and it's ok for me to spend a day reading a book happily ignoring whatever could be done that would require more of me than to sigh and turn the page...

i keep thinking i take this a day at a time.  it feels like i'm not going to have a set pattern for any of this -- and that i'll be saying "yes, please" as often as "no, thanks, i can handle it" -- and somehow that has to be OK enough...